that was then....

I found a picture of me from about 8 months ago - full length even - that I didn't know existed. Gotta say I spent a few minutes looking it, deciphering the different feelings and emotions it brought up. There was a time I would have been repulsed, saddened, disgusted, or sickened, maybe even a bit angry.


That was then...

Now I look at this picture and I'm impressed. That was a very unhealthy me. That was a very unhappy me. So why impressed?  Because that me had the strength to change. And because of that, I can't feel anything but respect for the me of 8 months ago. That me said, "Screw it, I don't have to live like this, I can make a change, hell I can make a bunch of changes!"

So, yeah, that's me around 245. Right before I started working with a trainer and basically doing what was needed to get aaaaall of my shit together.

That was then....

This is now....

Yeah, no makeup and my hair is rough - just finished working out.  But it's okay. This IS the same person, just in a different package. This person is also strong, but this person is so much happier. And no, not just because of the weight loss, although I'd be lying if I didn't say that losing nearly 60 pounds helped. Nope, this person is happier because she dealt with the underlying issues that lead to the heavy weight. This person is happy because she has found a path to loving the good, the bad, and the ugly in herself and in those around her.

I'm 50, and finally seeing the peace that can be. And that's a good thing...so very good. Am I finished? Oh no, no, no, no... There are days I just barely hold on to the motivation to keep going and doing the right things - and I'm SO not just talking about the diet and exercise.  Allowing the ugly side of myself  bitch inside of me to have free rein is much easier than restraint. It's a journey and a process - sometimes with hourly victories and defeats. 

That was then...and now...

Thoughts to take with me today: May God give me the strength to truly live what I write....Give me the strength to truly believe all the good....Give me the strength to be the person that truly accepts life's ups and downs with grace, love, and kindness.