Lessons from a beginner

There were new people in my yoga class last night. This isn't unusual, except that these were first-timers to yoga - as in, first class, evah. Since this is a mixed levels class, beginners are generally part of any class, but brand new? Not so much.

One of the ladies was me from two years ago - unsure, uncoordinated, inflexible, but determined to do everything 'right.'  I wanted the class to go just so beautifully for her, I wanted her to align her hips, flex forward with ease, and then bend back and open her heart to the heavens and see herself as the radiant soul she most certainly is.

My wish for her? No struggle, no effort, just joy

Of course though, she had a typical first timer's class. Nothing came automatically. She needed many adjustments, lots of explanations, and several attempts to do basic poses.

Thankfully, her first class was under the instruction of a great yogi - one who has marvelously clear instructions and tons of support, all delivered with a spirit of love and humor.

At the end of the class though, the similarities between her first class and mine ended as she commented to me, "I know I didn't do everything perfect, but I felt like I did a whole lot right! I loved it!"

The thud you hear is my heart hitting the ground as I realized that even after two years, I still don't always have that attitude. Too often I end class thinking about how much my hip hurt in a stretch, that I needed to be corrected in a back bend, or how someone else's pose soared, while mine...not so much.

In other words, I focus on what I did wrong, instead of celebrating the journey on my mat that day, respecting where I was at that moment.

It took a beginner to help me see that.

Maybe girlfriend isn't such a beginner after all.

Tomorrow brings another yoga class and another chance to enjoy the movement and feel the love. My goal is to end it with deep belief with her exact statement.

"I know I didn't do everything perfect, but I felt like I did a whole lot right! I loved it!"

Thoughts to take with me today: Who are you right now? You are also a radiant soul. Believe nothing less.

It's the pauses that matter

The more I study, practice, learn about yoga the more I'm struck by how much I want my life to actually be yoga. As in, no difference between my behavior on or off my mat. Just seamless, continuous yoga.

On my mat I can be calm, giggly, exuberant, sad, humble, joyous, inquisitive, or any number of emotions, not always 'pretty' ones, but authentic and respectful of what I am at that moment.

On my mat I journey from one pose to another and pause when the pose is exactly right for me,  Not where I will be in a year, or where I was a year ago. But now - this moment.

On my mat, I don't ask myself  'why?' and 'when?" and "what the hell are you trying to do?" There is movement and breath and finally a stillness with no past or future. Only present. Only this moment.

On my mat I breathe in peace and breathe out what little stress is there. It's not that the anxiety melts or dissipates in the yoga room, it's that it doesn't follow me. The stress is somewhere out in the hall, or parking lot, or just away.

On my mat healing thought patterns form and slowly erase the old tapes. Thought patterns that speak the truth with love and over time I believe those whispered truths just a bit more.

On my mat, I pause, and feel that moment.

On my mat, I am home.

This weekend I made a comment about someone being 'comfortable with having pauses' when they teach yoga. And there was the discovery. How perfect to have pauses in life. How right to be still, how blissful to leave the anxiety in the ether and what a gift to breathe in peace.

Living the moment - no matter what is happening - exercising, meditating, eating, house cleaning -loving the purpose of the moment.

That's yoga.

Thoughts to take with me today: I want to live on my mat and I can. It only takes practice.

Bashing into walls

Today I accepted a friend's request and went to her 5:30 AM spin class at a nearby gym. It was crazy, stupid fun. Before class she showed me tons of toys I've not seen before  - especially the plyometric stuff - including a HUGE black box,  about 3 feet high for doing jumps from the floor on. That tiny annoying voice in my head said, "No way! You can't jump that high!" even as my feet lept from the floor, square into the middle - nailing the landing! I wanted to roar like a lion because I DID IT!

Like I said, stupid, stupid fun.

During class though, I tweaked my right shoulder a bit by being careless when I came up to a standing run. This is a real problem - my right shoulder is my GOOD shoulder and for it to hurt at all is bad, bad, bad.  Then at one point, we transitioned down to a seated climb and I noticed an ache in my back, probably caused by not supporting my core enough and allowing my back to cave in. Again, this is a problem - my back (and core) has always been a strength.

Great, two separate new pains to contend with, in previously strong areas. I finished the class angry.

Externally, I looked fine. Internally, I was bashing into walls - furious with myself. Not because  I'd injured myself, but rather the same ol' refrain of regrets...

 

"Why didn't I start exercising years ago when I was young?"

"Why didn't I discover how fun this was when I had 20 year old knees?"

"Do you realize how much harder all of this is at your age?"

"Why didn't I run and jump and play all along?"

"Why did I wait so long to move?"

"Why? Just why?"

 

 

I had this mental vision of myself in a small room hurling into wall after wall, uncaring about any damage I might be doing, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth until finally I came to a complete stop and sat, slumped over, exhausted in the center.

 

And there, in the stillness,  the author of my life gave me the answer to all the "Whys?"

 

"Because, my dear, your time is now."

 

 

No explanations, no apologies, just that one simple statement, spoken with love and kindness and caring.

 

  I accept.

 

 I kind of have to accept.

 

 

And in that lovely quiet moment,  I had another mental picture of the people I've met on my journey in the last 2 years.  If I had picked up exercising 20 years ago, would I have met them at all? Would our paths have intersected? Would I have hurt myself at some point in my youthful foolishness and now be regretting doing too much?  What would my life be like now and would I like it? There are no answers to those hypothetical questions, and in a way, those questions are useless.

 

My time is now - in my 50's - to exercise and move and play. I give up bashing into walls and asking "why?"  I think I'll just laugh it off and love doing what I do - jumping onto 3 foot high blocks, swinging from hammocks in aerial yoga, nailing burpees, blazing through indoor cycling, and discovering the usefulness of ibuprofen!

 

Because, my time is now. Right now. No more questions, no more fighting, no more bashing into walls. Acceptance.

 

Thoughts to take with me today: It's my life. I can love it or fight it. I think I'll choose to love it and once again, choose joy.

 

Body Image

So today, I'm on the net and an advertisement catches my eye - "Plus Size Dresses For Spring Now On Sale!"

I clicked on it thinking I could use a new dress for Spring.

Then sat back in amazement.

I'm not a plus-size and haven't been for a very long time.

This prompted me to go looking around the net wondering if I'm sorta unique and come to find out, nah, not really.

It's called "Phantom fat."  I get it...truly.

The idea is that just like in losing a limb and the body still feels like it's there, in my case, my body has lost over 85 pounds and still I feel like the fat has never left. Ever.

How to get over this feeling? Well, apparently, it's pretty simple - time. Just time. Time to adjust to what I see in the mirror, time to feel, look, listen, and believe.

Believe...

My life can be different
The weight is gone, forever
What I see is real
I can relax
It's okay

Maybe next year, I'll see the same ad and smile and know that's not my area any more.

Maybe the year after

Either way, it will happen

Thoughts to take with me today: Who knew there were so many steps to healthy?

"It's not fair...."

I teach middle school. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard this phrase. Generally directed at me when I've asked my kiddos to do something that doesn't fit in with their immediate plans. Such as school work. Funny how they seem to be surprised when they are in school and the teacher gives them work to do. Can't figure that one just comes out of the blue to them time after time.

But then I hear the same phrase come out of my mouth and I blush to hear the "whine-i-ness" of it.

It's not fair that ...

it's so hard to eat right

my knee, hip, shoulder hurts

my body won't do what I want it to do

people don't 'get' me

This attitude is not real attractive to be honest.

On a good day - a day where I have some control over my emotions - I can step back and reflect on what is really REALLY not fair.

It's also not fair that I have...

a house and bed to sleep in every night

food in my fridge and pantry

a body that moves and runs and plays

friends that accept my quirks
children who make me proud
a husband who adores me

We aren't guaranteed any of these wonderful things and there are plenty of people around the world missing any and or all of the givens I so blithely take for granted while whining and wishing and moping I had something else.

Attractive? Nope, not so much.

A while back a friend shared that every night before she goes to bed she records three things she is grateful for in a journal. I pondered that idea, and actually looked for a journal but just didn't see one that spoke to me. Then a few weeks later, another friend, who had no idea of the first conversation handed me the most beautiful bound journal completely out of the blue. That has become my journal of gratitude.

I've recorded about 3 weeks worth of statements of "I am grateful for..." and it is eye-opening to go back and re-read and be reminded of how truly blessed my life is.

No, "it's not fair" to be granted so many wonderful daily gifts. Not fair at all. Instead of whining, I think I'll smile and say "Thanks" to the Source that has provided so richly for me.

Thoughts to take with me today: I am grateful for my life.





Why I practice yoga

Until recently, I viewed yoga as a religion or a practice directly in conflict with my Christian faith. Even when I began attending yoga classes, there were sayings that the teacher would lead us in that I would quietly just not do. No drama, just a lack of participation.  The phrases seemed uncomfortable and created a dissonance within and made me think that they were questioning of my Christianity.

But if the truth be told, I wasn’t that great of a Christian.  And I was unhappy. Something was missing. 

I started asking questions of my teacher, and very wisely, she fed me tidbits – not enough to spook me - but enough to make me think. One of the first principles of yoga I learned were the Yamas and Niyamas.  Although the names were foreign and didn’t sit well in my mouth, there was nothing to fight against.

Yamas

Ahimsa – Compassion for all living things

Satya – Truthfulness

Asteya – Do not steal

Bramacharya – Self control

Aparigraha – Lack of greed

Niyamas

Sauca – Purity

Santosha – Contentment

Tapas – Discipline

Svadhyaya – Study of sacred scriptures

Isvara-pranidhana – Devotion to God

Nothing objectionable. Just a way to live.

Many yogis put emphasis on Ahimsa or Satya – do not harm and tell the truth. Good concepts, but for some reason the one that caught my eye was Svadhyaya – the study of sacred scriptures. Nothing in yoga said what to study, just to study.

Interesting.

For the first time in years, I picked up my Bible and began reading. Although I grew up in a church, attended a Christian high school and university, and am still a member, at 50 something clicked inside and a door opened. The connection between what was on the pages and what my life should look like became clear; I began to live what I was reading every morning. The unhappiness and discontent slowly peeled away. What was left was peace and acceptance. 

Yoga made me a better Christian

This morning, I turned to Ephesians 4 and 5. A short way in, I read the words “Put away falsehood” and I whispered the word, “Satya.”  In a few short verses, I realized that every Yama and Niyma was there. Every one of them. Oh sure, some are a bit more oblique than others, but the thought, the idea, the feeling is there.

5 Therefore, putting away falsehood, let every one speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. (SATYA) 26 Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his hands, so that he may be able to give to those in need. (ASTEYA) (APARIGRAHA).  29 Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear (BRAMACHARYA) 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice (SAUCA), 32 and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (AHIMSA)

1Therefore be imitators of God (TAPAS)(SVADHYAYA) as beloved children. 2 And walk in love (SANTOSHA), as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (ISVARA PRANIDHANA).

My worlds intersected and I smiled.

Thoughts to take with me today: Anything that brings me closer to God can only be good. 

How to lose weight safely and 'easily'

Most TV talk shows, radio programs,  and even some Internet sites have  information about losing weight.

Saw one yesterday about losing weight WHILE eating pizza and french fries - as much as you want apparently - and still lose weight!

Color me skeptical.

But let's be real, people DO want to lose weight, get healthy, look better - all of those things - and the reason these ads/shows are out there is because it brings eyes and viewers.

There is a pretty easy way to lose weight, but it doesn't sell a lot of books or advertising time. I'm going to share what took me about 18 months to learn. Remember I'm not a registered dietician, personal trainer, nurse, doctor, or television journalist. I'm just a chick that lost 80 pounds and is willing to share my secrets.

Eat right, move more.

That's really about it.

If you need to lose 40, 50 (or in my case 90)  or more pounds, there aren't a whole lot of tricks that are sustainable over the long haul.

Eat right, move more.

How does that look in real life?  How do you get started?

Take one week and write down everything that goes in your mouth. Don't worry about a bunch of changes, just write it down.  Also, take note of how many minutes you got yourself moving.

Then go through the whole week and start tallies of your food groups on a daily basis. How many servings of dairy, protein, grains, fruits, veggies, fats. Count them up honestly, and KNOW what a serving size is. For example a bagel at Paneras/Starbucks/Dunkin Donuts is about 2 servings, not one.

After you have your totals, look at where the adjustments need to come in.

According to the USDA, this is what you are shooting for every day:

Grains - 6 - 11 servings
Protein 3 - 4
Dairy - 3
Fruits 2 - 3
Veggies 3 - 4
Fats 1 - 2

Those are your goals. DO NOT worry about calories so much as aligning with those figures. The calories will naturally drop.

Now look at your exercise. You need 30 minutes every day. Walk, climb stairs, elliptical, bike, go to a mall and just move from one end to another. It may be hard the first time. Good. That will make your successes all that much sweeter.

(If you are a diabetic and/or under a doctor's care for any reason, ignore me and do whatever he/she says. They know a helluva lot more than I do.)

That's the plan in a nutshell.

Questions I know some of you have (and I know these are real questions because I actually asked every single stinkin' one of these over the last two years)


"What about the diet plans out there - Atkins, Paleo, low-fat, etc?" I think there's a place for them, but instead of getting caught up in a complicated, involved plan, how about starting simple? Start with what is easy, and get some weeks and months behind you with disciplined eating, then if you need something extra or something that seems like it might work, then try it.

"How do I time my meals? Do I want to eat everything early in the day?  In my experience, the timing doesn't matter. I went on a cruise in October and wondered if I would gain weight because our dinner was 8:15 every night. Not only did I NOT gain weight, I lost.

"I don't like breakfast foods." Fine, eat what you want - your body does not care if you eat 4 oz of ground beef with a bun at 6 AM or 6 PM. But do eat something for breakfast. Your body needs the fuel.

"I can't live without my coffee."   Me either, so be aware of how much milk you are putting in each cup and count that in your totals. Coffee happens to be my last, lone vice. I like having a vice.  The guys at Starbucks know my name. All good :)

"I don't want to be hungry."   Make sure your grains are as complex as you can, and spread your meals out during the day. Other than that, accept there will be a little hunger until your stomach shrinks. And on some days, the hunger will be bigger than others. Eat a bit more on those days, just don't go crazy.

"I'd go on a diet but I can't live without my (candy bar, chips, french fries, pizza, burgers, soda, whatever)."  Can you live with your current weight for the rest of your life? Then do so, but otherwise, something has to go. Cut your special item back to 1/2 of what it is now and see if that is sustainable. But honestly, if your afternoon candy bar is more important than losing 50 pounds, then have the candy bar and be happy. Otherwise, choose.

"This is going to make me miserable!"  If that is your first thought, then yes, you will be miserable because you've already decided you will be. Turn that thought around and think of what you will be able to do - walk, climb stairs, play with your kids, run a 5K, buy clothes in the regular size department. I guarantee you that you will NOT be miserable doing any of those things.

"You don't understand, I will have so much loose skin." Yeah, I actually DO understand. Been there, done that, own the T Shirt. This is my approach - my skin can either be smooth and filled out with flesh, or it can sag because there is just less of me. I choose "Door B" every time.

"I'll start tomorrow, next week, next month." Sure you will.  Instead - start the next meal. Write down what you eat, inform yourself.  Remember you aren't even dieting at the beginning, you are just gathering information. You don't need a special day for that. Your body does not care what when it is.

"It's too hard to diet." Wanna know what's hard? Hard is figuring out how to get food in your body every day, not just when you are dieting. Somehow we figure out what to eat when we want to consume 3,000+ calories a day, but when asked to cut back, that seems harder.

"I don't have the willpower." Again, you are right, you don't because you've already set your intentions that you don't.  Try this. Tell yourself over and over and over, until you believe it, "I can do this, I can eat right, I can move more." After enough days of hearing that mantra, eventually it becomes part of your mind set and before long, your life has changed and you become someone with willpower.

"What about lifting weights?" I love lifting, it's fun.  But don't worry about it at the beginning. Worry about 30 minutes of movement. Get some weight off, enjoy what you are doing, then decide if putting in strength training is the next step.

"I come home too tired to work out."  Then work out in the AM.

"It's too early to work out in the morning." Then work out in the PM.

"I'm tired." Of course you are, so what difference will a little more tired make? Seriously, just do it.

That's about it for my advice. Any questions I missed, feel free to ask, I'll be happy to share my experience. Maybe you can do it better than I did with less stress and less anxiety about losing weight exactly 'right.' There are so many 'right' ways. Yours will come to you when you sent your intentions to eat right, move more.

Thoughts to take with me today: The journey begins with one step and continues with love and joy.