Wednesday, February 15, 2012


New weight finally! Yep, at 180 now – which is ah-maz-ing!  Getting closer to my goal!
But what is my REAL weight loss goal? The one I kind of dream about, but don't talk about. And is it realistic?
I can so dream sometimes......
So, we did the Tanita last night and the numbers were stunning, not just the weight, but the body fat. According to the scale I have only 54 pounds of fat on my body – which is about 30% of my total body weight. This is a loss of almost 60 pounds of fat.  This ratio puts me at the upper end of ‘average’ for my age and weight. No longer in the ‘obese’ range, which is a big deal. I’m average. Just average.
I like being average!
Then the other shoe dropped. I have 126 pounds of non-fat mass on my frame. 126 pounds of muscle/bones/organs and 54 pounds of fat. What was my 'secret wish'? To weigh 120.  But last night, the realization set in, that to weigh 120 (and have a shred of healthiness) I would have to lose 23  pounds of muscle along with 37 pounds of fat. Or a few body parts. Or a whole LOT of body parts.

Was I okay with this new fact? No, I was not okay. Not even a little.  I wanted to cry, complain, argue, moan, or any other thing that might get me my way. To my credit, instead of all that, I kind of sat back, breathed a bit, and just told myself, "it'll be fine, relax, don't get in the car to go get ice cream, you've gotten beyond that." 

But I can mope, moping I can do!
But then, it comes time for my reading and meditation. My new favorite yoga book is The Heart of Yoga  by Desikachar.  The chapter of the night was entitled "Things that Darken the Heart." Besides the obvious issues of negativity, things that we all know are wrong, there is also the idea of having unrealistic expectations - like an uber goal. The author says it's normal to set up a goal and work towards it. But sometimes we can work towards that goal with an intensity to the exclusion of the rest of life.  The goal ends up being a burden. 
(Things that make you go hmmmm.....)
The important concept is that goals are fine, but we must be flexible and recognize that goals can change and that maybe they SHOULD.
One of the Niyamas (the 'do's' of yoga) is isvira-pranidhana (ish-vir'-ah Prah-ni-dah'-na) – surrender to the divinity within me and live to serve the divinity within others. Surrender, let go of the need to control every outcome, and as I read last night….
“Paying more attention to the spirit in which we act and looking less to the results our actions may bring us..”
If I am really surrendering control and my actions are being directed by God, then the results are His and under His influence. How can those results be questioned?
How does this apply to weight loss? Well, if I do what I know is right and use the advice of those placed in my path,  the results will be what they should be, not what I think they ought to be.
What will I eventually weigh? I don’t know at this point, but it's not going to be 120!  Looks like it's time for some new goals, realistic ones. Goals based on feeding my body in the correct way, exercising it reasonably, continuing to nourish my spirit and soul, and working with what is already here.  Then whatever I weigh will be exactly right.  
 I will be very, very okay with that.

Thoughts to take with me today: Do what is wonderful at this moment, with a sweet spirit; the results can only be perfect. 

1 comment:

  1. Hey, just to say that lean body mass drops as you get thinner.