When you are tired, stressed, anxious, and at your wit's end, stuff gets said.
I've lost 90 pounds, the most of anyone in that group and the discussion came around to what we think about ourselves. And out of nowhere I say,
"On my best days, I see myself as weighing at least 50 pounds more than I do now. On my my worst days, I see myself exactly as I was a year ago."
And it was the truth, the truth I didn't know I believed, the truth that stays beneath.
When does this freaking change?
When do I look in the mirror and see me, just as I am now. Not just the flaws, but the good stuff too?
When is my weight not an issue?
Here's the scary part, the part I don't want to think about - what if it doesn't? What if I never see myself for me, just me?
There's one little truth that dares to pop up its head to challenge the big bad ego. What if never seeing myself for what I am is a good thing - a thing that keeps me grounded - a thing that keeps me humble.
Would I take that trade?
Thoughts to take with me: It's okay to question, it's okay to wobble, it's okay to fall down. Just get up.