Getting real with the body image...

Had an interesting training session the other day. My trainer had me do side-to-side shuffles across the room. I do a lot of forward movement, so she thinks the side to side is pretty important.  It's hard, and the hips want to complain, but kind of fun once the rhythm is established.

I started, and right away she stopped me with "Wait! Why do you take such huge strides? How big do you think you are?" Then she pointed out,"Look, you have little legs, and little feet, and a compact body. You move like you think you are 5'10" (I'm just barely 5'4"). Take steps in line with how much space you take up."

Wow, 'little'? that's a new adjective! Let's pause and consider that!


<pause>


Okay...back...

And no, I don't KNOW how big I am. I DO NOT know how much space I take up. I spent the last 30 years or more avoiding mirrors and cameras just so I wouldn't have to look at the reflection, so no, I have no idea how big my strides are or how big they should be and I sure don't know  what I truly look like.

We spent time working on my gait and putting it in line with my height and leg length. 50 years old, and I have to be re-taught  how to walk! There's some internal smiling at that.

But I wonder if I'm alone. Have other people who have lost weight gone through the same process? I can't imagine this is unique to me. How do you adjust? Do you adjust? 

Will there ever be a time I can look into a mirror and see ME? Honestly just see me? 

I don't know. 

Thoughts to take with me today: Mirrors don't crack when I look into them. It's all good :)

Hate-Loss Challenge

The beginning of the year approaches and with it will be numerous 'weight loss challenges.'  I saw this  challenge on another blogger site and think it is pure genuis!

Lose the hate - love yourself. 

Such an awesome idea and I'm going to participate with it, hoping that by the end of the month the habit of losing the hate becomes more of a habit

From the "Fat Girl Wearing Thin" site

(Check link to the right ------> for more info!)

Positive Reinforcement Sheet:

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Hate-Loss Challenge:

During the month of January, 2012, I am vowing to make a resolution to have pride in myself, no matter what size I am- each and every day. January will be the month that I set in motion a healthy habit to rid my vocabulary of words that aim to destroy my self-esteem. By the end of January I hope to have set a permanent habit into motion as I continue to feel better about my value, importance, and place in this world.

Rules: At least once a day I must attempt to use one or more of these words in my vocabulary about myself:

I am….

strong, courageous, beautiful/handsome, creative, kind, better, unique, remarkable, open-minded, intelligent, confident, conditioned, fascinating, pleasing. I will say the words out loud. I will listen to how they sound as they are defining me!

Off Limits: Words I will try to refrain from using: failure, undeserving, incompetent, lazy, no-good, fat, unattractive, stupid, sloppy, defeated, unworthy.

One Final Consideration: It’s OK to be angry. It’s OK to have off-days, but I won’t let negative thoughts consume me. I will pick myself up, dust myself off and make an effort to never, ever let destructive words define who I am.

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There will be a permanent copy of this sheet along with all of the other information you need on the Hate-Loss Challenge tab at the top of my blog.

2.  Weekly Topic List:

In addition, I will have a specific topic prepared for each Thursday update. I will post that week’s topic every Monday morning. This will give you a chance to think about and write your post for Group Therapy Thursday.

3.  Group Therapy Thursday

This is a virtual meeting place to come together and work through our concerns, feelings, frustrations or breakthroughs that we’re experiencing during the challenge.  It’s also where we can support each other and offer advice.  All participants will post about their progress on Group Therapy Thursdays.   You may write about the challenge on your blog as often as you’d like; just remember that everyone will meet back here at Fat Girl Wearing Thin every Thursday where you will do one of two things:

If you run a blog: share with your readers about your involvement in the Challenge.  Post about your interaction with the Positive Reinforcement Sheet as well as that week’s topic.  You will then visit my blog and leave a comment with a link back to your progress post so that other participants can read, visit, and connect with you on your blog.

If you do not run a blog: Simply submit a progress report in the comment section of my blog each Thursday. 

Summary:

• The official start of the challenge is January 1st, 2012 and will run until January 31st, 2012.
• At some point before January, create your own Reinforcement Sheet or print out a copy of the one I’ve created and keep it in a place where you will see it every day: on your bathroom mirror, in your car, in your purse, in your gym bag, on your nightstand. These are the words you will use to describe yourself for the month.  When you say the words, I strongly encourage you to say them out loud. It is important to hear the positive words being used to describe you, and it validates the word(s) you are saying.  This is not an easy exercise.  You may feel self-conscious, foolish or ridiculous at first, but it’s important to keep saying them.  Who better to shower you with praise than you?  Eventually these words will become easier to say and negative thought patterns will hopefully begin to soften, making you more aware of the many exceptional things that define you.

Peaceful thoughts, peaceful words, peaceful heart

I was going to write about my weight loss, which is a big deal, especially since I dropped under the 190 mark (YES!) but as life would have it, another thought overshadowed the physical.


At the end of one of my yoga classes, we typically repeat the words "And may I have  peaceful thoughts, peaceful words, and a peaceful heart." For some reason this morning those words especially resonated with me and when I finished my meditation, I set that as my goal for the day.


In one of my recent yoga readings there was a passage about setting intentions and then being ready for those intentions to be challenged. Sure enough, within about 10 minutes of setting my intentions for the day, I'm challenged by text messages, phone calls, people on MY ellipitical at the gym, rain, a sick Jessica upstairs coughing her poor head off, and a ton of errands to accomplish. 


The peaceful actions and words are not that hard to pull off in the short term, but the peaceful heart? The one that no one can see but me? Ah, that can be tricky. 


Another reading from this morning talked about accomplishing the little things - and how the ego doesn't want to jump over creeks and small pebbles - nope... the ego wants to leap over mountains and raging rivers. But it's the mastering the little obstacles that prepare us for the larger ones.


So my goal for the day is a good one, especially since I'm not challenged by a huge obstacle, but little ones.  Yes, it's raining, and I need to face the traffic and lines to return a pair of shoes. Yes, I need to add soup-making to my list for my kid. Yes, I need to mail packages. But, I have a car, the ability to make soup, and friends to send those packages to. That's the good stuff. The rest is just chatter.


Thoughts to take with me today:  Let me approach each pebble with grace and a loving spirit so that when the boulders roll in, I've had some practice.

Running, and not because I was being chased...

I ran…outside…and I liked it.

3 miles.

Unreal.

I ran…and I liked it.


(To be 100% honest, no I did not straight run 3 miles. It was more a case of walking lunges, sprints, walks, side-to-side fast feet, backwards running, and a few sessions of skipping. Anyone watching me from start to finish would have had quite the feast for the eyes, but when it comes down to it, it's my run and I can do what feels really, really good!)

What an earth shattering concept that the couch potato slug I was last year is now someone who ran and liked it.

How did I get to this point? 1 step at a time baby, 1 step at a time....

There have been moments along the way that I reflect on how I got to where I am, and sometimes these thoughts come across  in a negative way, with gems like.... "Why didn't I start sooner?" or "How cool will it be when I..." But, that's not where I am now. I'm happy to be me, right now, in this body, and what happens 6 months will happen and I'm determined to choose joy then, just as I do now.

I made a choice to become healthy and I did it. For my age, I'm physically in really good shape. Now it’s time to begin working on the spiritual, emotional, and mental aspects of my being. The body is just the outer shell and is not truly ‘me.’ The other aspects are kind of more important to be honest, and they need work too.

Viyoga Samyoga – unlink from the harmful/negative and link to the healthy/postive . Such a great concept. And it is accomplished just like the weight loss – one step at a time – little choices that add up to great rewards. Nourish the spiritual, strengthen the emotional, and straighten out the mental. Get rid of the bad while you embrace the good.

Thoughts to take with me today – The first 5 pounds are as important as the last 5. The first healthy thought is as important as the most recent one.

Fun...

My personal trainer made me sprint the other day. I mean, full out, sprint/run as fast as I could. At first I hated it - loss of dignity, don't you know. But after the third run, I realized my body LIKED this, and needed it, and oh wow, it was FUN! Then I found myself challenging each run to get off faster, go further on each stride, and loving so much feeling my body turn into a machine that could do.  I ended the session remembering what it felt like to be young and to run for no other reason that the thought occured to me.

Somewhere on the path to adulthood, I seemed to have lost the abilty to frolic and be silly and just enjoy what I am doing at that moment.  Must everything have to have a goal, a plan, and an objective to exist in my life? What about just being? What about laughing because it feels good? What about sprinting just because I can?

The next morning, I woke up realizing, that sore muscles aside, I’m smiling, my heart is light and I’m joyful. No analyzation needed or questions about why – just pleased to be me in this body today.  It's strong, it's beautiful, and it wraps around the essence of me.

Thoughts to take with me today: Not only is it okay to laugh and have fun, maybe it’s just plain wrong to not be waiting and ready for those moments.

Breathe

“Breathe, just breathe.”

Someone seems to end up telling me this  multiple times a day as my daughter’s wedding draws to just a week away now. I think they notice the frantic look around the eyes and want to do something, anything to help.

Yes, breathe – the absolute best advice I could be given right now. The funny part is that most people giving me this excellent guidance have little idea of what they are actually saying to me. Reminding me to breathe is reminding me to take in the wonderful ‘prana’ or life energy around me while also enriching my blood stream with oxygen – a two-fer of good stuff. Reminding me to breathe is reminding me to offer myself a solid dose of comfort and strength. Reminding me to breathe is in effect saying “I love you; now, you love you.”

The ancient yogis must have understood the value of infusing the body with the breath – apparently even 2000 years ago life could be hectic. 21^st century American mothers of the bride have a single mind-set and life view that NOW is the most stressful time ever and no one has ever, EVER known the type of stress generated by phone calls, deadlines, vendors, caterers, and the bone chilling thought of “Did I remember to order tablecloths from the hall?” (answer - actually I did forget. Really.) I make lists and then master lists to organize the first lists and then fret over if I have included everything on some list, somewhere. After a while, the details take over until the big picture of the celebration for a pair of beautiful young people is lost, while I whirl from place to place with my lists trying to create perfection, instead of enjoying the perfection already there.

Breathe. 


If the breath is calm the emotions will be calm. If the emotions are calm, the actions will be calm. If the actions are calm, the results will be infused with love and light. A beautiful venue for any wedding.

Thoughts to take with me today: Breathe in, breathe out. Recharge. Enjoy the moment. 

And you might want to call about those tablecloths.